The guilt led me towards Islam

   I am from Railway Koduru Caddapah. I grew under the kind guidance of my parents. They gave me little education and soon after, got me married to a nice man. I wanted to study more but I couldn’t because my parents thought that a woman should be educated enough to read and write letters. Being helpless, I got married knowing nothing yet harboring a lot of dreams.

 

My fate gave me a great jolt with which there was a full stop to my dreams and I was forced to look at the reality of life and face it. The greatest disaster of my life was my husband’s death after 2 years of marriage which shattered my dreams, shackled my life and encompassed darkness all around. I hadn’t matured yet, I had not known life or the world properly. I thought all my ways were blocked; but when all the ways seem to be blocked, one way of the hope always remains open, and that way is God’s. He guided me towards the way of knowledge; He gave me the thought of fulfilling my incomplete dream of achieving higher education.

 

I collected all my lost strength and spirit to acquire any qualification so that I may get a job for my survival. My parents co-operated with me in doing so. And thus I was able to continue my education. I earned a BA, did a poly-technique course and nursing. As soon as I finished nursing, one of my cousins who was working in Kuwait pitied me and brought a visa for me. I was taken as a secretary in Kuwait Home Medical Care. Later I was given the designation of Receptionist cum nursing coordinator.

 

Once I got settled in work, I felt very comfortable. I felt as if after a long tiresome walk in the hot desert I got a cool and pleasant shelter where I can take a long breath of relaxation. I started to look at the life afresh. My dreams of youth came back and I started to fly with them. In the course of time, I met a Muslim man who was very kind and loving, I always felt safe and secure in his company. How our relationship started, I do not know; but we found ourselves living together without marriage under the same roof.

 

When I became self sufficient economically I started looking at the people around me all over Kuwait, where ever I went, whom ever I met, particularly the Muslims, I didn’t see anything except good in them. Then I started looking into their lives keenly: their way of living, talking, behaving with others, dealing with non-Muslims, their piety, way of praying, fasting everything. In all matters, I found them pure. This attracted me very much and my conscious started pricking me as to why don’t I follow their way when I have such a good opinion about them.

As soon as this thought came to me, I started thinking about my responsibilities: my relatives and the society and the relation that concerned me the most was my relationship with the person I was living with. This thought did not let me sleep. I was committing a sin. And I thought how come it’s possible for me to accept Islam with such a great sin, how………………………………………..?

I was uncomfortable with this thought; the guilt of adultery made me shudder. I lived with this man for years but never thought in this way, I never had discomfort in my heart but as soon as my way of thinking changed, the opinion I had about myself also changed. What shall I do? Where shall I go? Whom shall I consult? I tried to talk to my companion but he brushed it away lightly by saying that marriage is the conjugation of two minds and hearts. This statement though being logical, cannot certify in the society and in the court of God. This was my condition. So I took shelter in the religious books. As I was a Hindu, I started praying to all my gods. The upheaval and crisis which ruled my mind was not hidden from my Christian friend. She took the advantage of my condition and offered me the Bible. I read that also, but in vain. I did not get any interest in that. I was blaming myself, why did I get involved in such an act which is blazing my heart and making me ashamed of myself.

At this juncture, some of my Muslim colleagues who saw my condition advised me to read Islamic books and gave me some books and the holy Qur’an. I took them with respect and honored the books by reading them. As I was reading them, the knots of my mind opened one after the other and I found peace in Islam.

Allah is Rahman and Raheem. He is the one who obliterates the misdeeds of human beings on the condition that we do not repeat that sin. So I requested my companion to marry me so that the wound of my sin may be heeled. The person, being a family man, hesitated for the marriage but my burning tears melted his heart and he agreed to marry.

So one fine day, I took leave from my work and came to IPC and pronounced the testimony. Then I went to the court and got married. Now I am free from all negative thoughts and I am hopeful about the future. Islam showed me a new perspective and added beauty to my life. Now-a-days I am keen to learn Qur’an. Insha Allah I will learn the Qur’an and Allah will make it easy for me. I am thankful to all my Muslim friends for their cooperation in guiding me towards Islam.

                                                                                

A sister in Islam

Sharmila Devi

Sharmila Bano.

Date 21-5-2007

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